tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-56384022012-02-05T16:29:23.111-08:00bdhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09263493828297168488noreply@blogger.comBlogger3141100tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5638402.post-1131059395156648482005-11-03T14:59:00.000-08:002005-11-03T15:09:55.223-08:00

Yeah, I figured as much. But in case you did and were wondering what the hell happened to me, I got real busy with leaving my old job, getting a new one and learning the ropes over here at Twentieth Century Fox. The upshot is, lucky for you, I'm back and making a concerted effort to yap at ya as much as I can in the future. The catch (and there's always a catch) is that I will be doing so

bdhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09263493828297168488noreply@blogger.com12tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5638402.post-1127527150802504972005-09-23T18:58:00.000-07:002005-09-23T18:59:10.816-07:00

OK, so perhaps I overestimated my pick proficiency in last week’s column. Maybe, maaaaaaybe I hadn’t exactly picked every game correct from week one, so perhaps, perhaaaaaaaps my drop-off to week two wasn’t quite as precipitous as it would appear on first glance. Maybe, just maybe, perhaps these first two weeks of the NFL season have been so back-asswards with erstwhile contenders (I’m looking

bdhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09263493828297168488noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5638402.post-1127519329600194552005-09-23T16:44:00.000-07:002005-09-23T16:48:49.606-07:00

Now, as some of you know, I normally prefer to refrain from pointing out the grammatical and contextual foibles of the international entrants into our weekly Inane Query Letter contest. They obviously don’t realize, I reason, how offensive/ridiculous certain aspects of their pitch may sound to a politically-conscious liberal-minded fellow like myself. Probably, this lack of understanding is on

bdhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09263493828297168488noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5638402.post-1127442234348343352005-09-22T19:21:00.000-07:002005-09-22T19:23:54.356-07:00

Clearly, after my triumphant double-headed return to the blogosphere last week, I needed a break from the action. Get my sealegs back and all that. So I’m back late on Thursday evening, with a few thoughts from the past week. If you’re interested in what piques the fancy of my twisted little mind, please read on; if not, please feel free to return to your around the clock The Sky Is Falling

bdhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09263493828297168488noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5638402.post-1126908564588101772005-09-16T15:09:00.000-07:002005-09-22T19:25:38.406-07:00

Sign #2 that my return to the blogosphere will be a thrilling success: As soon as I put the finishing touches on this week’s IQLW, I was immediately seized by a tremendous feeling of regret: not only had I withheld for nearly a month from you, my loyal readers, the Greatest Weekly Feature in the History of the Interweb (vote tabulation pending), but I had also failed to offer my expert football

bdhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09263493828297168488noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5638402.post-1126898659187628682005-09-16T12:21:00.000-07:002005-09-16T12:24:19.196-07:00

Much time has passed since I last posted, and I must say that demand for fresh material has been…well, ok not overwhelming. But it is good know that SOME of you care enough about this little ol’ blog space to voice complaints about it’s absence. I must admit, I bit off more than I could chew in trying to transform this site into a frequently updated, clever and informative news source,

bdhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09263493828297168488noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5638402.post-1125431430691863772005-08-30T12:50:00.000-07:002005-09-16T11:47:14.213-07:00

As any regular visitor to this site has noticed, it’s been about a week since I’ve posted anything, an abnormally long stretch for a serial blogger such as myself. I will only say that since my reclassification of the site to encompass a more frequently updated, sports-themed milieu, I had foolishly become so overwhelmed with my own great expectations that I needed to make a clean break. I knew,

bdhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09263493828297168488noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5638402.post-1124852441825144892005-08-23T19:56:00.000-07:002005-08-23T20:05:45.476-07:00

In his latest column, baseball HOF sportswriter/NMTE man-crush Peter Gammons just barely scratches the surface of the runaway Rookie of the Year race (The Astros' Willy Tavares in the NL; either Nick Swisher or Huston Street of the A's in the AL) and focuses instead on which of today's young players will have the biggest career impact in the long term (including Red Sox stud rookie Jonathan "

bdhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09263493828297168488noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5638402.post-1124827193907696772005-08-23T12:57:00.000-07:002005-08-23T12:59:54.203-07:00

Step right up, Red Sox fans, for the gouging of a lifetime: for the low low price of $150, you can be the proud owner of an 18” x 9” fragment of World Championship sod from last year’s pre-renovation infield at Fenway Park. Hey, that’s only 140 bucks more than they charge for those idiotic ID cards! What a steal!

bdhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09263493828297168488noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5638402.post-1124821519229244782005-08-23T11:22:00.000-07:002005-08-23T11:25:19.256-07:00

Reporting to you at the crack of noon, here's what's happenin' in the world today:As Smokey the Chimp was good enough to fill you all in on, the Royals’ March towards Ultimate Futility™ was thwarted by a cathartic 2-game winning streak against the suddenly sinking Oakland A’s. With 19 straight losses, the Royals fell just two losses short of the ’88 Orioles American League record of 21 (which

bdhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09263493828297168488noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5638402.post-1124740762920129822005-08-22T11:54:00.000-07:002005-08-23T20:06:48.270-07:00

Reporting to you at the crack of noon, here's what's happenin' in the world today:Hey folks, Smokey the Chimp here. It was a rough weekend here at NMTE as my rally monkey brethren gave the Sox and their fans all they could handle in Anaheim for the past couple of days. Needless to say, Ben is feeling a bit under the weather this morning and has asked me to fill in the gaps while he recuperates.

bdhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09263493828297168488noreply@blogger.com13tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5638402.post-1124500518454241012005-08-19T18:10:00.000-07:002005-08-19T18:15:18.463-07:00

Welcome back. When we last disembarked our normal train of thought and stepped foot onto the dirty, syringe-laden, vagabond-housing, urine-smelling platform of the Inane Query Letter of the Week, we were greeted by Director of Advertising and Public Relations Smokey the Chimp, recently returned from the 17th Dimension, reeking of cheap beer and chock full of crazy misadventurous stories to tell.

bdhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09263493828297168488noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5638402.post-1124495729817519962005-08-19T16:49:00.000-07:002005-08-19T17:06:22.083-07:00

Not content to wait out his stint on the disabled list and punish opposing pitchers upon his return, original Dirt Dog Trot Nixon struck rehabbing Sox closer Keith Foulke on the elbow with a line drive during a batting practice session on Friday. Reports are sketchy as of yet, but the Globe’s Gordon Edes is reporting that Foulkie told Trotsky that he’d hit him above the elbow on the fleshy part

bdhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09263493828297168488noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5638402.post-1124502388622843272005-08-19T14:45:00.000-07:002005-08-19T18:47:00.606-07:00

In their second preseason game, the defending Super Bowl Champion New England Patriots fell to the New Orleans Saints by a score of 37-27. Ho-hum. Another meaningless preseason game. Pats go up early while the first team is in, things even up when the second team is in, then the opposing second-stringers stay in against the scrubbiest of the Pats’ scrubs and come back to win. Whoopdee doo.

bdhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09263493828297168488noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5638402.post-1124476282387595432005-08-19T11:26:00.000-07:002005-08-19T11:31:22.466-07:00

Reporting to you at the crack of noon, here's what's happenin' in the world today:STEROIDS BLIND ITEM GUESSING GAME: Who K-an it be now? Edition REVEALED! Major League Baseball officials received at least a dozen phone calls yesterday regarding a rumor MLB was about to announce that Roger Clemens and Johnny Damon had tested positive for steroids, with an announcement coming today. "Total BS," one

bdhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09263493828297168488noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5638402.post-1124415169245482742005-08-18T18:21:00.000-07:002005-08-18T18:33:33.386-07:00

VS.The ongoing battle for the almighty summer movie dollar has become quite the dogfight of late. And as the bloated casualties of the taste wars fall from the cineplexes like so many overstuffed dirigibles, the scorned frontline combatants are taking aim and firing blindly at any cute cuddly Antarctic advisary that may be in their line of sight. It is in the spirit of this clash that The Onion

bdhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09263493828297168488noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5638402.post-1124408709150189582005-08-18T16:34:00.000-07:002005-08-18T16:54:59.763-07:00

Am I doing this right? Are my izzles in the right places? Can I get a ruling here? Anyway...Things are never as easy as they seem for Snoop Dogg. Two years after volunteering to coach his son’s youth football team, the Rowland Raiders, the notorious rapper/producer/blunt artisan broke off from the established Orange County Junior All-American Football Conference (OCJAAFC for short—as if that

bdhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09263493828297168488noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5638402.post-1124393049817445162005-08-18T12:00:00.000-07:002005-08-18T12:24:09.826-07:00

Reporting to you at the crack of noon, here's what's happenin' in the world today:According to NESN’s Tom Caron (and, as quoted this morning by DirtDogs, NMTE fav Peter Gammons), Sox top draft pick, fireballing righty reliever Craig Hansen from St. Johns, could join the team as early as next week to fill in the gaping holes in the Sox struggling bullpen. Along with fellow rookies Jonathan “Don’

bdhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09263493828297168488noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5638402.post-1124320030076683262005-08-17T18:06:00.000-07:002005-08-18T12:24:55.933-07:00

HoF sportswriter/broadcaster and NMTE fav Peter Gammons gives the breakdown of the staggering number of high profile player that were placed on, and subsequently cleared waivers (as is the case on a yearly basis). The waiver process has always been a bit of a mystery to me, and truth be told, Gammo’s column does little to dissect the nuts and bolts of the system (for that kind of banal knowledge

bdhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09263493828297168488noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5638402.post-1124330560753289272005-08-17T16:41:00.000-07:002005-08-17T19:05:17.910-07:00

After two harrowing finishes to the first two games of the series, it could be understood that fans would be waiting with baited breath until the final out was recorded in the rubber game of the three-game set. But unlike Monday’s Tigger comeback against Schill, and Tuesday’s extra-inning offensive explosion by the Sox, there would be no 9th inning heroics for Papi Ortiz and the Sox in Wednesday

bdhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09263493828297168488noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5638402.post-1124321744306181862005-08-17T15:15:00.000-07:002005-08-18T12:25:54.253-07:00

Tuesday’s loss, a 4-3 nail-biter to the Seattle Mariners, prolonged the lowly Kansas City Royals epic losing streak to a near unprecedented 17 games. The Royals are still 4 games shy of the AL record of 21 consecutive losses set by the Oreos in 1988, but have a legitimate shot at history should they weather the storm of today’s game against the last place Mariners. Their next six games are

bdhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09263493828297168488noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5638402.post-1124305638451742412005-08-17T11:57:00.000-07:002005-08-17T12:08:52.610-07:00

Reporting to you at the crack of noon, here's what's happenin' in the world today:A second UConn basketball player, junior point guard Marcus Williams, has been arrested in connection with the June theft of several laptops from dorm rooms on campus, several of them reportedly belonging to incoming freshmen women’s basketball players. Both Williams and redshirt freshman guard A.J. Price have been

bdhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09263493828297168488noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5638402.post-1124312164390584352005-08-16T20:55:00.000-07:002005-08-17T16:53:35.846-07:00

In the 9th inning of Tuesday night’s game in Detroit, with the Tiggers protecting a slim 3-2 margin over the Sox, manager Alan Trammell decided to pull his lefty starter Nate Robertson—who up to that point had held the Sox bats at bay giving up only 2 hits (one a first inning dinger by Tek) on 90 pitches—in favor of new closer Fernando Rodney. It’s possible that Trammell knew nothing of Rodney’s

bdhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09263493828297168488noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5638402.post-1124244995118297242005-08-16T19:06:00.000-07:002005-08-16T19:16:35.126-07:00

This week’s winner in the great IKTD sweepstakes comes from Richmond, Virginia, erstwhile capital of the Confederacy and home of the University of Richmond Spiders, back-to-back-to-back winners of the Commissioners Cup, awarded to the Atlantic-10 school with the best combined men’s and women’s sports performance over the past school year. Go Spiders!I’ve tried about a half dozen times to come up

bdhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09263493828297168488noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5638402.post-1124226169549166332005-08-16T12:00:00.000-07:002005-08-16T14:02:49.553-07:00

Reporting to you at the crack of noon, here's what's happenin' in the world today:Promising rookie hurler Jon Papelbon takes the hill for the Sox tonight as they try to bounce back from a disheartening loss to the Tiggers yesterday. Papelbon will be making his second appearance of the year in a Boston uniform after going 5 and change and allowing only 2 runs in his first major league start on

bdhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09263493828297168488noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5638402.post-1124215495067361872005-08-15T23:03:00.000-07:002005-08-17T16:54:05.336-07:00

On Sunday night, a deluge of rain erupted from the cloudy skies above Fenway Park, washing away a 5-2 Sox deficit and preserving their 6 game winning streak. In the 9th inning of Monday night's game in Detroit, it was the opposition's hits that poured down on Sox closer Curt Schilling as the Tiggers rallied for 3 runs to defeat the Sox 7-6.As much as I would like to go into more detail about the

bdhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09263493828297168488noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5638402.post-1124236415213290432005-08-15T18:29:00.000-07:002005-08-16T16:53:35.256-07:00

The New Paramount’s “Four Brothers” took the box office crown this weekend (in the words of Bob “everybody loves a good revenge picture!” Suddenly my college buddy is Louis B. Mayer), beating out some really mediocre competition—Universal’s Kate Hudson voodoo thriller “The Skeleton Key” and Sony’s Yes-We-Were-High-When-We-Greenlit-This sequel “Deuce Bigalow: European Gigalo”—with a relatively

bdhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09263493828297168488noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5638402.post-1124152286917565372005-08-15T15:30:00.000-07:002005-08-15T17:32:59.663-07:00

The BoSox stayed hot this weekend, taking both games from the first place ChiSox before Sunday’s game was rained out.Friday night, the Sox kicked off the series with a 9-8 win that fell squarely on the sizable shoulders of David “Big Papi’ Ortiz. Ortiz knocked in 6 of the team’s 9 runs, 4 of those coming on a pair of homers in back-to-back innings. The first, a solo shot over the Monster off Cy

bdhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09263493828297168488noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5638402.post-1124133109928065992005-08-15T12:10:00.000-07:002005-08-15T12:11:49.950-07:00

Reporting to you at the crack of noon, here's what's happenin' in the world today:At a game attended by yours truly, accompanied by Bob, Benny and the lovely H, the Mets’ Pedro Martinez took a no-hitter into the 8th inning before blowing not only his chance at history but also the game in a 2-1 loss to the Dodgers in Chavez Ravine. After walking Milton Bradley with two out in the bottom of the

bdhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09263493828297168488noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5638402.post-1123887037215079202005-08-12T15:49:00.000-07:002005-08-12T15:50:37.226-07:00

DUH-DUH DUH-DUH bum-bum bum-bum DEE-DOODLE DEE-DEE DOO-DOO bum-bum bum-bum DEEEEEEE DOOOOO DOOOO…DEE-DEE DOO-DOO DOOOO!Football is back, friends, and as the onomatopoetic ode to the sumptuous tones of the MNF theme song above serves to show, we here at NMTE couldn’t be happier. Though the preseason has technically already begun in earnest at The American Bowl in Tokyo and the Hall of Fame Game

bdhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09263493828297168488noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5638402.post-1123880694506738692005-08-12T14:03:00.000-07:002005-08-12T14:04:54.566-07:00

Welcome back, faithful reader, to the longest running weekly feature ever seen anywhere on the interweb. Ever. Or at least that’s what our online research department, spearheaded by our assiduous colleague Smokey the Chimp, tells us.This week’s entry into the cavernous IQLW archives comes from Plano, Texas—recently named one of the five most conservative cities in the country by the Bay Area

bdhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09263493828297168488noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5638402.post-1123870809351998722005-08-12T11:09:00.000-07:002005-08-12T11:20:09.383-07:00

Reporting to you at the crack of noon, here's what's happenin' in the world today:Holy essballs! Didja see that collision in San Diego yesterday between Mets outfielders Mike Cameron and Carlos Beltrán? Man, it was gruesome. Two freight trains, barreling down the tracks at full speed, each focused intently on the sinking liner off the bat of pinch hitter David Ross, both diving headfirst to

bdhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09263493828297168488noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5638402.post-1123789547686972742005-08-11T12:39:00.000-07:002005-08-11T12:45:47.726-07:00

Reporting to you at the crack of noon, here's what's happenin' in the world today:Hopped up Oreos slugger Raffy “The Stanozolol Kid” Palmeiro returns to action tonight against the Tampa Bay Devil Dogs but will not comment on his positive steroid test or any other circumstances surrounding his suspension, according to a statement by agent Arn Tellum. No word as of yet on whether the Oreos will be

bdhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09263493828297168488noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5638402.post-1123784733280463172005-08-10T23:21:00.000-07:002005-08-11T11:25:33.306-07:00

So here’s the scene: the Sox lead 7-2 in the late innings of their game against the Rangers. After posting a crooked number in their half of the inning, Tito pulls his starter and goes to the pen, hoping to shut the door for another Sox victory. Then, disaster strikes. The Rangers match the Sox output of earlier in the inning and draw within one hit of tying the game at 7.Now riddle me this,

bdhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09263493828297168488noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5638402.post-1123726720965282522005-08-10T19:10:00.000-07:002005-08-10T19:18:40.980-07:00

Temperamental (accent on “mental”) Iggles receiver Terrell Owens was booted from training camp today and suspended for a week by coach Andy Reid after an altercation following a team practice. ESPN.com reports that the newly svelte Iggles coach expelled the excitable All-Pro after Owens “dropped an expletive” during the post-practice argument. Owens was available to reporters later at his New

bdhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09263493828297168488noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5638402.post-1123702983028658712005-08-10T11:40:00.000-07:002005-08-10T12:43:03.036-07:00

Reporting to you at the crack of noon, here's what's happenin' in the world today:An overzealous MFY fan, apparently eager to rush to an early demise in response to the team’s 2-1 loss to the Chicago White Sox which would drop the team 4 1/2 games behind the AL East leading Red Sox, forlornly hurled himself from his upperdeck seats towards the playing field at Yankee Stadium. Unfortunately for

bdhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09263493828297168488noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5638402.post-1123697751568577952005-08-09T22:09:00.000-07:002005-08-10T11:15:51.600-07:00

In the first game of a three game set against the high-octane Rangers, the Sox managed to survive a severe bullpen blow-up during a 5-run, game-tying rally during the Rangers’ 7th inning to defeat Texas 8-7 in 10 innings. The Sox offense—led by Billy Mueller’s 6th dinger of the year (that’s two more than “slugger” Kevin Millar), a two-run, bases loaded double by AAAA All-star Robert Petagine,

bdhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09263493828297168488noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5638402.post-1123690774098970002005-08-09T18:13:00.000-07:002005-08-10T09:20:20.886-07:00

Welcome, dear reader, to a very special IKTD. We are really honored to have as this week’s recipient, Grammy-Award winning singer-songwriter Marc “Yes, I’m still walking in Memphis” Cohn, with us today as the Absurd (Near) Death of the Week.Reuters reports that, after a concert in Denver on Monday night, Cohn was the victim of an attempted carjacking. The suspect, who was already on the run

bdhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09263493828297168488noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5638402.post-1123635501422785352005-08-09T17:51:00.000-07:002005-08-09T18:09:49.770-07:00

In this week’s issue of the tragically hip Boston Phoenix, sports columnist Ian Donnis attempts to blow the lid off the worst kept corporate malfeasance secret in town: namely, the cozy connection between the hometown Red Sox, the city’s biggest newspaper The Boston Globe, and the influential local sports network NESN. All three institutions, of course, are at least partially owned by The New

bdhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09263493828297168488noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5638402.post-1123611899368759832005-08-09T11:24:00.000-07:002005-08-09T11:32:36.130-07:00

Reporting to you at the crack of noon, here's what's happenin' in the world today:The disparate world of football fanatics and video game geeks converged last night in an orgiastic outpouring of consumer spending: Madden 2006 hit the shelves across the country and around the world at midnight this morning. I have unconfirmed reports that lines stretched around the block at the EB Games (nee

bdhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09263493828297168488noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5638402.post-1123560609440741452005-08-08T21:07:00.000-07:002005-08-08T21:10:09.443-07:00

Not to put too fine a point on it, but starting pitchers Wade Miller and Ricardo Rodriguez really had no chance in this one. The Sox and the Rangers undoubtedly have two of the most potent lineups in the league and showed why early. By the end of the first inning, each team had erupted for 3 runs, Rodriguez was gone and Wade was reeling. After just 4 1/3 innings pitched and 5 runs allowed,

bdhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09263493828297168488noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5638402.post-1123547735512293792005-08-08T17:25:00.000-07:002005-08-08T20:03:27.210-07:00

Boston.com is reporting (and, thanks to corporate synergy, they should know) that Sox TV color analyst Jerry Remy has been signed to a contract extension that will keep him calling games and boozin’ it up in the NESN booth through the 2010 season.Remy earned his considerable fame in Boston both as the Sox hustle-first second baseman for the final seven of his ten years in the league and, in the

bdhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09263493828297168488noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5638402.post-1123528897565398212005-08-08T11:37:00.000-07:002005-08-08T15:20:19.103-07:00

Reporting to you at the crack of noon, here's what's happenin' in the world today (and this past weekend):On again off again on again landing of the Space Shuttle Discovery is…off again …and on again!After being cut during the off-season, Ty Law has followed the Curtis Martin route, leaving the Pats to join the Jets, where he will join NFL rushing leader Martin, languishing in

bdhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09263493828297168488noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5638402.post-1123520538966205272005-08-08T10:01:00.000-07:002005-08-08T21:16:41.320-07:00

Former ABC anchor Peter Jennings died on Sunday, just 4 months after announcing to the world that he suffered from lung cancer. He was 67.For some reason, hearing this news this morning hit me like a ton of bricks. When he left ABC News earlier this year, the last of the Big Three to step down, we all new he was ill with a disease that ensured he would never recover. But still, I found myself

bdhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09263493828297168488noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5638402.post-1123560374775539392005-08-07T21:05:00.000-07:002005-08-08T21:06:47.483-07:00

Thanks to another clutch outing by Tim Wakefield, the Sox managed to escape Minneapolis with one win after an embarrassing weekend that featured 7 errors and 8 earned runs in three games against the Twinkies.The 11-7 victory on Sunday was especially sweet considering the 12-0 blowout loss on Friday night and the dramatic fashion in which the team gave away Saturday’s game, a 4-3 Minnesota win. A

bdhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09263493828297168488noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5638402.post-1123288297704191762005-08-05T17:29:00.000-07:002005-08-05T17:31:37.713-07:00

As promised earlier this week, the heady aroma of change floating around the dusty hallways of the NMTE home offices has avoided detection by certain long-standing traditionalists within. Thus, the Inane Query Letter of the Week department has been mercifully spared and will continue to bring the very worst that the amateur screenwriting world has to offer straight to you, the loyal reader, in

bdhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09263493828297168488noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5638402.post-1123282959208918392005-08-05T15:12:00.000-07:002005-08-05T16:02:41.970-07:00

In a triumphant return after battling the after effects of a wild night of slamdancing in shallow left with Edgar Offeria Wednesday night, DirtDogs has early word from Minneapolis that Manny Being Manny Ramirez will be batting clean up and playing left field when the Sox take on the Twinkies later today. In a related story, Minnesota groundskeepers have padlocked the utility door in the

bdhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09263493828297168488noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5638402.post-1123263919731690662005-08-05T10:44:00.000-07:002005-08-05T15:12:19.856-07:00

CNN political commentator/Mr. Potter look-alike Bob Novak dropped the B-S bomb (if there is such a thing) and stormed off stage during a televised debate on Inside Politics with serial needler Jim Carville yesterday. Moderator Ed Henry has said that he had been preparing to question Novak about his involvement in the leak of CIA agent Valerie Plame’s identity, though sources close to the show

bdhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09263493828297168488noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5638402.post-1123203634576200702005-08-04T17:36:00.000-07:002005-08-04T18:05:26.246-07:00

Welcome to the newest feature here at The New NMTE™, Live Blogging w/ Joey Morgs, wherein I transcribe a running IM conversation that my buddy Joe “GenIM” Morganella and I have during the Sox game and present it to you the reader, virtually untouched by editorial hands. Remember: all of this is real shit that Joe and I actually talked about during the game. Please excuse the coarseness of the

bdhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09263493828297168488noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5638402.post-1123208262766124362005-08-04T16:19:00.000-07:002005-08-04T19:17:42.793-07:00

The mighty Sox completed their second straight series sweep with an 11-9 win over the lowly Royals, running their season-long winning streak to eight games and pulling them 5 games ahead of the Yankees in the AL East (New York plays Cleveland later today).Starting pitcher Matt Clement’s first game back after being beaned on the noggin by a Carl Crawford line drive on July 26th was lackluster

bdhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09263493828297168488noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5638402.post-1123194959758223672005-08-04T15:31:00.000-07:002005-08-04T15:35:59.766-07:00

In a column published on ESPN.com yesterday, Hall of Fame sportswriter and broadcaster Peter Gammons sounded off on his weekend trip to Cooperstown, the Much Ado About Manny mess of last weekend and the brutal reality of Rafael Palmeiro’s fall from grace—and the vast conspiracy (told ya!) growing around it. Also, here is a link to a transcript of Gammons’ HOF induction speech from last Saturday,

bdhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09263493828297168488noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5638402.post-1123178701203679382005-08-04T11:04:00.000-07:002005-08-04T11:25:41.660-07:00

In the morning’s LA Times, columnist Bill Plaschke delves into a subject that, ever the Raffy story broke, has been festering at the forefront of my mind. Namely, MLB’s complacency in delaying the release of the positive test results and its celebration of Palmeiro despite the knowledge they had of his steroid use. I suggest you read the full article by following the above link, but I've

bdhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09263493828297168488noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5638402.post-1123176594426567412005-08-03T22:26:00.000-07:002005-08-04T10:30:28.586-07:00

The suddenly surging Sox extended their winning streak to seven games last night with an 8-5 victory over the hapless Royals in front of the 195th straight sell out crowd at Fenway Park in Boston. The first two innings were a roller coaster ride of emotion as three straight hits to lead off the Sox half of the first inning by the top of the Sox order (Johnny Rockstar was thrown out at home on

bdhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09263493828297168488noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5638402.post-1123114436408192352005-08-03T17:08:00.000-07:002005-08-03T18:16:36.310-07:00

After hitting a three-run dinger in the bottom of the first to stake the Sox to an early lead in Boston, left-fielder Manny Ramirez collided with shortstop Edgar Renteria in short left leaving both a little worse for wear. On initial viewing, it seemed that Edgar got the worst of it, staying splayed on the field, face down, while Manny got up, then sat back down again. Both players ended up

bdhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09263493828297168488noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5638402.post-1123107721754989552005-08-03T15:18:00.000-07:002005-08-03T15:22:01.760-07:00

South Korean scientists have announced that they have produced the world’s first cloned dog at Seoul Nation University. The Afghan, named Snuppy (the “Seoul National University puppy,” get it?), was actually born sixteen weeks ago, but like any nervous first time mother, lead researcher Woo Suk-hwang kept the dog’s existence a secret until the precarious 60-day pregnancy and the subsequent

bdhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09263493828297168488noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5638402.post-1123089356347432702005-08-03T10:15:00.000-07:002005-08-03T14:09:24.293-07:00

The Boston Herald and the LA Times have finally “broke” the story of former Red Sox whipping boy/current Dodgers ace Derek Lowe’s extramarital affair with Carolyn Murphy, a reporter and host of the Dodgers pregame show for Fox Sports Net West—a full three weeks after sado-misogynist syndicated talk show host Tom Leykis anonymously reported on the story on his radio show. Guess it's just Derek

bdhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09263493828297168488noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5638402.post-1123095396074164142005-08-02T23:56:00.000-07:002005-08-03T14:05:57.063-07:00

The Red Sox won their sixth in a row Tuesday night, a 6-4 victory over the lowly Kansas City Royals which, when coupled with the MFY’s 6-5 loss to Cleveland, gave the Sox a 3.5 game lead against the suddenly free-falling competition in the AL East. On his 39th birthday, Tim Wakefield pitched a solid seven innings, allowing only six hits—albeit two homers, one each to former Sox scab Matt Stairs

bdhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09263493828297168488noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5638402.post-1123033977034209512005-08-02T18:48:00.000-07:002005-08-02T18:52:57.046-07:00

On the advice of several readers, and after many, many minutes of soul searching on my own part, I’ve decided that a change is in order here at NMTE. As such, you will (hopefully) notice, over the next week or so, a new format to the posts, a decreased length/increased frequency of posts and a renewed focus on the world of sports, sports entertainment and sports business. I hope you will all be

bdhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09263493828297168488noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5638402.post-1123014236677610532005-08-02T13:20:00.000-07:002005-08-02T13:23:56.686-07:00

Special thanks to Jaime for bringing this week’s IKTD to my attention. In true IKTD spirit, this week’s entry features an embarrassing tale of laughable woe from America’s Heartland, in this case Grandview, a suburb of Kansas City, Missouri. According to the Kansas City Star, at about 8am on Friday morning, Robbin Doolin, a Grandview resident, was involved in a traffic accident when, according

bdhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09263493828297168488noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5638402.post-1122949162510285362005-08-01T19:18:00.000-07:002005-08-01T19:19:22.520-07:00

Hiya, folks. Smokey the Chimp here to take up the reins at NMTE whenever Ben’s too drunk to blog atcha. Anybody gotta light? Nevermind, I got one right here…Y’all see that Sox game yesterday? Is Manny back or what? When he came in to pinch hit, didya hear that reaction? I tells ya, I got goosebumps, man! Chills! And I’m covered in fur, ferchrissakes. Or is it hair? I can never fuckin’

bdhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09263493828297168488noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5638402.post-1122681638404943012005-07-29T16:58:00.000-07:002005-07-29T17:04:49.770-07:00

Ok, so I didn’t actually see Meet Joe Black, so perhaps I don’t quite get the more nuanced aspects of this week’s featured query letter. I mean, I saw the commercials; I’ve heard people talking about it; I get the whole “Brad Pitt is death and wants to take Anthony Hopkins to the afterworld, but Claire Forlani is just too fucking cute with her doe eyes and grey floral dress, so he doubts his

bdhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09263493828297168488noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5638402.post-1122603818991033172005-07-28T19:23:00.000-07:002005-07-28T22:56:05.110-07:00

It’s an off-day for the road-weary Red Sox as they return home after a harrowing 4-3 trip through the blistering heat of the South Side of Chicago and the friendly territory of the loyal denizens of Red Sox Nation South in Tampa. After splitting a four game weekend set against the White Sox, owners of the best record in baseball, including a Sunday afternoon game where the temperature peaked at

bdhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09263493828297168488noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5638402.post-1122516008550499562005-07-27T18:44:00.000-07:002005-07-27T19:01:46.216-07:00

In honor of the lovely H’s 2? birthday today, here is a collage of things that she really likes.elephants: puppies: lions: the Gilmore Girls: sparkly things: ugly babies: the color purple: The Color Purple: Spaghetti Bolognese: the 80s: the Red Sox: oh, and me!HAPPY BIRTHDAY, BABY!!!

bdhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09263493828297168488noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5638402.post-1122419150076306802005-07-26T15:55:00.000-07:002005-07-26T16:09:36.296-07:00

Welcome back to our regular Tuesday installment of “I Killed Tony Danza”, wherein the untimely death, dismemberment, injury or humiliation of others is heated briskly to the point of boiling, sprinkled with pithy analysis, garnished with everyone’s favorite Italian-American TV personality not named “Raymond” and served to you pipin’ hot and ready to satiate all of your primal hungers for a vague

bdhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09263493828297168488noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5638402.post-1122344202747467442005-07-25T19:15:00.000-07:002005-07-25T19:17:36.883-07:00

After a full week of cinematic anxiety—a volatile combination of frustrated anger at paying to see Charlie and the Shit Factory last week, dismay for not choosing The Wedding Crashers instead, guilt for ignoring Sundance love child Hustle and Flow, and fear of being dragged in to see Michael Bay’s epic crapfest The Island—it was really good to get back to the theatre and see March of the Penguins

bdhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09263493828297168488noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5638402.post-1122082580493500192005-07-22T16:37:00.000-07:002005-07-22T18:38:12.070-07:00

Usually, as regular visitors to this space know, I am drawn to selecting the winners/victims of the weekly IQL contest based upon the merit of their loglines or synopses—specifically whether I convulse with laughter, bury my head in my hands and weep, or notice that warm familiar taste of bile rising in the back of my throat. It is by these innate physical reactions that true genius can be

bdhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09263493828297168488noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5638402.post-1121987648649482402005-07-21T16:02:00.000-07:002005-07-21T16:17:47.486-07:00

H and I saw Tim Burton's Charlie and the Chocolate Factory last weekend, but it’s taken me this long for my thoughts to really congeal. Now, I'm a huge Tim Burton fan, always have been, despite his propensity for a lotta sizzle but no steak. I loved Beetlejuice and Edward Scissorhands and Batman. I know, I know. Everybody loved those movies. But I loved Sleepy Hollow and Mars Attacks! and

bdhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09263493828297168488noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5638402.post-1121912850765413052005-07-20T19:07:00.000-07:002005-07-20T19:27:30.816-07:00

Happy National Hot Dog Day, everybody! What’s that you say? You didn’t know that today, July 20th, was National Hot Dog Day? Well neither did I until about 20 minutes ago, but that’s not stopping me from taking some time this afternoon to give a shout out to one of the greatest culinary inventions in American history. Ok, so technically they were invented by the Germans or the Austrians or

bdhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09263493828297168488noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5638402.post-1121820712996434832005-07-19T17:44:00.000-07:002005-07-26T16:06:37.463-07:00

Though I’ve been veering dangerously close of late towards having to rename this feature the “I Killed Tony Danza” Absurd Random Assault, Arrest or Embarrassing Moment of the Week, I have to come clean and admit that this week’s entry is not entirely of the “(Near) Death” variety promised when this all began. It does, in telling the story of Kazakh rider Andrey Kashechkin’s “accidental” run-in

bdhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09263493828297168488noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5638402.post-1121738384022881552005-07-18T18:58:00.000-07:002005-07-19T10:32:06.336-07:00

Today marks a return to normalcy for yours truly as our spate of houseguests seems to have come to a temporary conclusion—or we have, at the very least, been granted a respite long enough to remember life without roommates. Also, my boss is back in town from his Eurasian journeying, thus returning my work schedule to the industry standard of regularity. And though a part of me will certainly

bdhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09263493828297168488noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5638402.post-1121479852810632772005-07-15T19:10:00.000-07:002005-07-15T19:10:52.816-07:00

After last week’s foray into the forest with the merciless epic query “Skinz”, I thought we were done with the cute ‘n cuddly set for a while here at Inane Query Letter central. That is, until I received this “family comedy” query early this week:A desperate executive stumbles across a toy lion that really talks... but only to him. Imagination runs wild when a toy lion takes over. May I please

bdhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09263493828297168488noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5638402.post-1121306783373460622005-07-13T18:39:00.000-07:002005-07-13T19:06:23.406-07:00

Somehow I knew my procrastination on something like this would come back to bite me in the ass. Y’know I’m reading all about Hilary Duff and Rob Schneider co-hosting the Teen Choice Awards—a magical confluence of talent that may never be duplicated without the overuse of psychotropic narcotics—and I see a link at the bottom of the page about Fmr. Rep Ben “Crazy Cooter” Jones’ shrilly-voiced

bdhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09263493828297168488noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5638402.post-1121216474500169382005-07-12T17:53:00.000-07:002005-07-26T16:07:09.530-07:00

OK, so this week’s entry isn’t technically an “Absurd (Near) Death” as is normally promised in the weekly I Killed Tony Danza segment, but this week I had to make an exception for young Aaron Brack of NMTE’s hometown of Londonderry, New Hampshire. In true L-town 603 fashion, the 19-year old Brack was stylin’ and profilin’ for his mugshot after being arrested by Londonderry cops for underage

bdhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09263493828297168488noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5638402.post-1120873006603695382005-07-08T18:33:00.000-07:002005-07-15T18:33:02.380-07:00

As frequent Friday visitors to this space know, I prefer to keep the source of the Inane Query Letters anonymous. This week, however, I couldn’t help myself. I really hope you are all kind to Mr. Stevens and don’t all rush to contact him for copies of his novel all at once. Please enjoy the following, the first (and with any luck, last) “TRUE SCIENCE FICTION” piece ever to grace these pages.I

bdhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09263493828297168488noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5638402.post-1120783121223159012005-07-07T17:30:00.000-07:002005-07-12T19:47:16.820-07:00

A few other quick hits as I desperately try to fill the gaping hole left by the lack of a Wednesday post:-Radar Online reports that Hollywood’s perpetual bridesmaid talent agency ICM is for sale, adding amazing validity to Defamer’s prescient pre-holiday prognostication of Paradigm pending purchase.-Didja see “Dancing with the Stars” last night? C’mon, don’t lie. I know for a fact that 21.8

bdhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09263493828297168488noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5638402.post-1120777513682824292005-07-07T15:56:00.000-07:002005-07-07T18:06:10.510-07:00

Just in case you were feeling too productive on this lovely Thursday afternoon:Waste Paper Basketball!My high score thus far is 17. I’ll let you know if I best that…and I expect you to do the same.UPDATE: I just got 21 in a row, beating Jer's 19 by two. I suspect this is not, how you say, over.

bdhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09263493828297168488noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5638402.post-1120782388755124642005-07-07T12:25:00.000-07:002005-07-07T17:26:28.760-07:00

Just a day after the city erupted in revelry after being named the host of the 2012 Summer Olympics, London’s transportation system were simultaneously attacked during morning rush hour, reportedly by an militant Islamic fundamentalist group at least loosely affiliated with the al Qaeda terrorist network. The BBC estimates the conservative casualty count to be 38 dead, over 700 injured at the

bdhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09263493828297168488noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5638402.post-1120617304349612502005-07-05T19:34:00.000-07:002005-07-05T19:35:04.356-07:00

Sorry for the delay folks (and by “folks” I mean Jaime, who I’m pretty sure is the only one who gets as big a kick outta these things as I do). This week’s IKTD is the first to come from North of the Border—though a point of clarification is in order: here in LA this term refers to the greater Fresno area, so for the benefit of our SoCal audience, I am speaking now of that vast hoary wasteland

bdhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09263493828297168488noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5638402.post-1120611713194888132005-07-05T15:00:00.000-07:002005-07-05T19:35:46.893-07:00

This week’s Tony Danza is soon to come. Sorry, I’ve been a little distracted today by AOL’s free downloads of this past weekend’s Live 8 performances from London, Philly, Toronto, Berlin, Rome & Paris, the perfect recap for those of us that may have been too eye-bleedingly, skull-rattlingy, playing-bongos-naked-on-the-beach-at-4am fugged up this weekend to catch any of the show on MTV.

bdhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09263493828297168488noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5638402.post-1120269381328121482005-07-01T18:53:00.000-07:002005-07-05T19:43:25.936-07:00

How do you feel about Horses? No really, tell me. Do you hate them? I want to know. Seriously. How do you really feel about horses?

bdhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09263493828297168488noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5638402.post-1120249628845875062005-07-01T13:26:00.000-07:002005-07-01T13:43:23.140-07:00

Welcome back. I trust you have all sufficiently recovered from the Industry Idol debauchery of last night and are enjoying your last few hours of servitude before the long weekend. I, for my part, decided to shy from the crowd and instead ordered pizza from Victor Jr.’s and watched the season finale—alas, alack!—of Hit Me Baby One More Time the most contrived musical crap-a-thon I’ve seen in

bdhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09263493828297168488noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5638402.post-1120179102400006752005-06-30T17:45:00.000-07:002005-06-30T17:59:34.343-07:00

Tonite at El Guapo Mexican Cantina, the youth of Hollywood sounds their collective barbaric yawp to the warbly tune of a Red Bull-and-Vodka-soaked “I Will Survive”. That’s right, at 8pm in the bloody beating heart o’ Hollywood, the Wheelhouse presents “Industry Idol”, the next in a long line of ill-advised gatherings staged in order to bring the self-proclaimed “future of Hollywood” together in

bdhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09263493828297168488noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5638402.post-1120085399069170172005-06-29T15:49:00.000-07:002005-06-29T16:01:25.210-07:00

After reading Keith Foulke’s comments regarding the boos he’s been receiving at Fenway thanks to his lackluster performances as the Red Sox closer, I found myself, for once, respecting what the man had to say for himself. Here is the quote in question:''They're not going to make it any harder than it is for me to go home and look in the mirror," Foulke said about the booing that rained down from

bdhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09263493828297168488noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5638402.post-1119997299451182602005-06-28T15:20:00.000-07:002005-06-28T15:21:39.460-07:00

This week’s edition of the “I Killed Tony Danza” Inane (Near) Death of the Week comes to us from Shreveport, Louisiana, the jewel of Northwest Louisiana and home to Barksdale Air Force Base, several fine riverboat casinos on the scenic Red River and the American Rose Center—“North America's largest park dedicated to the rose…y’know, except for the Rose Bowl, I guess.”Shreveport is also home to a

bdhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09263493828297168488noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5638402.post-1119918425146542202005-06-27T17:23:00.000-07:002005-06-27T17:27:05.153-07:00

I know you’re all still reeling from the recent journey back to Planet Shark—and, to be honest, my weekend revelry has left me a bit worse for wear—so I’ve decided to take it easy today and let the snarky geniuses at celebrity gossip Valhalla Defamer do the grunt work for me. I ask you, dear reader, to help settle an argument that may in fact have no answer:In this past Sunday’s LA Times

bdhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09263493828297168488noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5638402.post-1119662674722134922005-06-24T18:22:00.000-07:002005-06-24T18:24:34.730-07:00

March 24th, 2005: A day that will live in infamy on the pages of NMTE. For that, dear reader, was the fateful day when your world and mine was first invaded by the literary plague known as the PLANET SHARK TRILOGY. In the months that have followed, I have devoted far too much time and energy to the unintentional comic brilliance of KING SHARK and its equally impressive sequel PLANET SHARK.

bdhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09263493828297168488noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5638402.post-1119577950861558642005-06-23T18:27:00.000-07:002005-06-24T15:31:45.403-07:00

I say! Two days of no posting? Ben, my boy, have you gone mad?Why no, Professor Monkenstein. I've just been a little overwhelmed lately.Overwhelmed? Overwhelmed! You have an obligation to these people...What people? I have like five hits a day! And half of those are from my girlfriend......these people that come back, day after day, to revel in your cunning observations on the peculiarities

bdhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09263493828297168488noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5638402.post-1119392719717738602005-06-21T15:18:00.000-07:002005-06-21T15:25:19.720-07:00

I knew I had to throw up an extra post when I saw this beaut: Tom Cruise Kills Oprah*Thanks to H for waving this one under my nose until I got a good whiff…*Note: You may need to click on the blue (or purple) "Tom Cruise Kills Oprah" hyperlink for this to work. Damned if I know how all this pirating-video-off-other-websites shit works. Enjoy!

bdhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09263493828297168488noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5638402.post-1119392165316206062005-06-21T15:11:00.000-07:002005-06-21T15:16:05.323-07:00

I must admit, I am quite pleased with today’s edition of the “I Killed Tony Danza” Absurd (Near) Death of the Week. First off, today’s story come from Florida, specifically the northern part of state that the Snow Birds in Boca and the Cubanos in Dade would rather forget exists. Northern Florida is the epitome of the Deep South, the pickup truckin’, Jeb Bush lovin’, You-Might-Be-A-Redneck-Iffin

bdhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09263493828297168488noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5638402.post-1119318545064791712005-06-20T18:30:00.000-07:002005-06-21T14:46:25.576-07:00

…to California in the first place! You strip away the traffic, the smog, the pathetic cardboard cutout "actors" and "models" and "agents" with their mind-numbing arrogance and smug sense of entitlement, the shitty coffee, the doubly shitty pizza, the Bloods, the Crips, the 19-year old Asian princesses who can't quite see over the steering wheel of their new Escalade, the Monday Morning BO-hawks,

bdhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09263493828297168488noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5638402.post-1119043024230313482005-06-17T14:15:00.000-07:002005-06-17T14:17:04.236-07:00

After the long, grueling process of reporting the results to the IQLW#11 contest and finally dropping the much anticipated “Mime Cop” bomb on you all last week, I’ll make the build up to this week’s query letter short and sweet. Suffice it to say that I will go to my grave chuckling at this logline...and wondering what the hell the title means. Enjoy.The Face of Thunder "A young guy hates his

bdhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09263493828297168488noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5638402.post-1118974694187978042005-06-16T19:09:00.000-07:002005-06-16T19:18:14.213-07:00

Day off for the Sox and yet they’re all I can think about today. Four in a row, longest streak of the year since May 3rd-8th and, most encouragingly, excellent back-to-back-to-back-to-back solid starts by Mssrs. Clement, Wakefield, Wells & Arroyo. Granted the first came against a Cubs team that had absolutely destroyed the Sox in the first two games at Wrigley and the last three came against a

bdhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09263493828297168488noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5638402.post-1118867463505686032005-06-15T13:30:00.000-07:002005-06-15T13:32:38.630-07:00

Sweet Merciful Crap! I honestly can’t believe I forgot to post yesterday. With all the excitement swirling around town (Michael’s acquittal, Phil’s return, Katie’s assimilation) I just couldn’t keep track of my myriad obligations. For that, I am sorry.Anywho, I hope you enjoy today’s (late) edition of the I Killed Tony Danza Absurd (Near) Death of the Week. Today’s winner comes to us from Salt

bdhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09263493828297168488noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5638402.post-1118699563125724472005-06-13T14:22:00.000-07:002005-06-13T15:16:29.906-07:00

Attention all members of the Star Chamber: Be on the lookout for a 40-year old white woman wearing pajamas being transported by unicorn-drawn carriage to self-made amusement/molestation park in Santa Barbara County.That’s right folks! Unless you’ve been hiding under a rock, aboard the international space station or spending your time reading REAL news, you’ve heard about the Michael Jackson

bdhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09263493828297168488noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5638402.post-1118455770919064422005-06-10T19:00:00.000-07:002005-06-10T19:11:27.473-07:00

Thank you to everyone who voted in the first ever Inane Query Letter of the Week Contest! It has been an amazing success with well over four votes registered over the past week. So much of a success that I plan to never ever EVER do it again. Hope you enjoyed it.But in case you’ve just joined us, or you’ve kept yourself blissfully unaware of the proceedings down here at NMTE, the detailed

bdhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09263493828297168488noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5638402.post-1118365265946861342005-06-09T18:00:00.000-07:002005-06-09T18:01:05.956-07:00

So the new season of HBO’s craptastic posse-fest “Entourage” started on Sunday (Don’t say anything…I tivoed it), reinvigorating the news media’s seasonal love affair with the curiosity of fame by association, aka the Posse/Pussy Proximity Parallel. Aside from the usual flood of publicity reacharounds administered by EW, Us Weekly, E! and the rest of the usual suspects, the Boston Herald

bdhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09263493828297168488noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5638402.post-1118273600720643992005-06-08T16:29:00.000-07:002005-06-08T16:33:20.730-07:00

Hey Kids! Remember what Jimmy the Smoking Chimp (and Little Rodney) say: “Don’t forget to eat all your vegetables, pray for Michael Jackson’s acquittal and vote for the winner of the Inane Query Letter Contest, running now through Friday in this very space!”

bdhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09263493828297168488noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5638402.post-1118184066380929982005-06-07T15:40:00.000-07:002005-06-15T13:32:57.960-07:00

This week’s entry just goes to show: whether on the ballfield, in the parking lot or on the open seas, you do NOT wanna eff with a Masshole.In case there’s any doubt, this week’s winner is the couple that fought the pirates. Using their boat as a weapon. Man, if only these two had been on the raft in LOST...Ya-har!!!*No washed up TV actors were harmed in the production of this column

bdhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09263493828297168488noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5638402.post-1118103051522459512005-06-06T17:03:00.000-07:002005-06-06T21:59:46.296-07:00

On the heels of my groundbreaking decision last Friday to present the Inane Query Letter of the Week segment in a multiple choice format—the current scarcity of votes has caused me to a) weep aloud; and b) carry on the voting until Friday, when the winner will be ingloriously crowned during a small ceremony hosted by Sherman Helmsley at the Writer’s Guild and broadcast live on E! Television

bdhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09263493828297168488noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5638402.post-1117845264275776782005-06-03T17:33:00.000-07:002005-06-03T17:35:33.380-07:00

This week was one of the toughest choices I’ve ever had to make since the inception of IQLotW. While there was no standout along the lines of a Planet Shark or involving Vietcong Vampires, there were several more than worthy competitors for the title. And that is why, for the first time ever, I have selected TWO query letters that will vie for the title of Inane Query Letter of the Week. Here

bdhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09263493828297168488noreply@blogger.com4